So, that is kind of misleading, but it’s absolutely true.
Before Hillary Clinton announced her run for President, I was in a pretty dark place and it wasn’t so much because of my unidentified sexuality on it’s own, but more-so because I was severely depressed due to a conglomeration of things, one being pharmacy school at my college.
I decided, once I was on the beginning of the “upward climb” that I would start doing some unburdening. It was tough, I had to face a lot of things about myself that I really was not comfortable with:
- not giving people the ability to decide whether I am a successful person
- acknowledging why my sexuality was such a hard thing for me to hold onto
- being able to move forward in a college that seemed to not understand how my mind worked and continually pushed against any and all efforts I put forth
- facing myself every day and NOT saying “I hate myself” even once. (That was truly the toughest… it had become my motto and my secret. I’d said it easily every day so many times that it was more common to me than my own name.)
I decided to be brave after watching the Legend of Korra. I saw two insanely powerful women, of both brawn and intelligence, Asami and Korra, come together at the end of the series and it gave me the biggest hope that people like me could be accepted by my close ones and people who’s opinions I cared about.
I made a pledge: if the most powerful, capable, and worldly person I knew decided to run for President, I would “unburden myself” *gulp* and tell my family that I was gay, or for their own specificity to understand “bisexual.” I honestly hate the more defined label for my own self because I feel less defined and I tend to go with gay but that is beside the point here.
So, Hillary announced that she was going to run and I was both exhilarated and then overcome with what that meant. I knew I could not go back on my word to myself and in the next few weeks, I decided to have a table talk with my family.
They were very confused, they didn’t really understand what being bisexual meant and it took a lot of energy out of me. I sobbed. I don’t usually do that unless I’m truly touched by something but in this case, I was just so terrified that I cried. It made things harder to explain through my scratchy voice and with my face covered in tears but my family told me how much that they were with me no matter who I decided I liked and I know how fortunate that makes me. My family is Italian, not so old-fashioned that they didn’t accept me but I consider myself exceedingly blessed in the open-mindedness of my family in comparison to so many that I know/grew up with. My mom said that if anyone has a problem with me, they can basically go **** themselves. That made me feel so secure considering that I was worried about complete rejection. It wasn’t good right away, but from that day, I could start being a bit more open and stop feeling like I had this huge secret that was burning me up from the inside.
Hillary Clinton is one of the bravest people I know and has faced more adversaries and seen more awful things happening to so many people less privileged than myself that I trusted if she could brave the world in running for President again, I could brave myself and my family.
While I’m not coming out for the first time this National Coming Out Day, I can say how proud I am to be gay and to not think twice about how I feel about people because as long as it is authentic to me, that is what matters most.
So today, after so much pain from my soul and worries about my future, I can say, yes I’m with her, and I’m hoping to be with “a her” in the nearby future. ❤