It’s hard for me not to feel bad about everyone getting their rotations when everyone is talking about it and I’m just stuck in the background, going to be waiting a whole year to see if my dreams will come true too. The people around me are bursting with excitement and here I am, feeling more like sandbar, watching all of the waves go into the sea where the wind is blowing them but I’m stuck in one place, feeling the pressure of them all around me yet not being allowed to enjoy any of the wind with them. Dry and coarse.Being sand is rough all around and very lonely most of the time but maybe someday I will be able to find my own way. I’m hoping that it’ll be a stronger pull of the ocean and a thunderstorm that gives me the force to move. I want to feel the strength of my efforts realized and know that I can finally accept myself, that I too am worthy. Even more, I am meant for some greater purpose that none of these others are. I want to be my own kind of special. My purpose for some reason is not to move along right now. I don’t know why it is so or why I am going through this pain of loneliness and agony of the distress of failure, but who I am to say that I’ve ever failed anyways? I am not a failure and my losses will not define me. My efforts will define me, despite what the judges may think. Numbers will never give me life or success. I am my own champion and I chose to win. I will win my own way that will be even better for the world that I am being called to serve. I will become the person more deserving of the blessings that life has given me and learn to use my time to benefit those that I can touch and maybe learn how to reach out even further. My aim is large but my focus is ever clear. No combating tides will get in my way, no stagnant force can keep me at bay for long. I will be more than the ocean expects of me. I will be a true force. I already am the beginnings of what I forsee to be a truly exceptional gust.

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