I am terrified. To be quite honest, I am extremely terrified.

I do not want to prove them right: that I am not to be trusted or believed in, that I do not deserve to be among my comrades in this pharmacy program. This will rip apart my soul because I want to be someone that people will put their faith in, that people know will stand up for them even when the odds are completely against them. How can I be such a person if even this establishment has portrayed blatantly their doubt of my skills and abilities?

This is a true attack on my person. I cannot stand to be thought of in such a way by the people who control my progress in this university. I have two options: to use my hate for how they’ve treated me to take them down or to prove them all wrong by being more successful than they ever could have imagined. I see these two paths as the Sasuke vs Naruto path. And maybe I’m biased because I watched so much Naruto over winter break, but I want to show them that I am worthy of respect and taking care of my people. I want to have the nindo of never going back on my word and never giving up. But my nindo is that I am the person people can pour their hearts into and believe with all their soul. I want to be the leader that people deserve.

All of these things, these ideals and values of myself, will be put into this examination. A grade on an electronic exam. That is what my self-worth will be determined by because of all that is truly said by the number that appears when I complete my questions.

I want to live to be the person I dream of being, and continue to work with forza d’animo. I want to be so much more than I appear, so much more than I am in numbers and statistics. I am more than documentation and grading schemes. I know this.

I will prove myself even if it kills me. That is how strongly I will not give up on my dream.

Advertisements