I went into this year thinking that I would give it all I’ve got in pharmacy school… thinking that I could pride myself on how hard I work and my fortitude. Then I had the realization today in class that this genius girl already prepared in advance for a lab that I hadn’t even prepared for and the night before, a classmate of mine had spend so much more time on a long assignment that I had thought I had done with great effort until she explained all that she had and I realized how much I had missed…

In summary… I feel like shit.

Today is Ronda Rousey’s birthday and I see all of my shortcomings in what I love about her. She, like my classmates, is so ahead of the game, working as hard as she possibly can to be her best, and anticipating that she should always be prepared for the worst.

How can I pride myself on anything now… my hard work ethic is a true joke. I don’t work hard… I work hard enough. I don’t do all that I can… I am not someone deserving of the adjective “fortuitous.” I don’t deserve anything.

Maybe the professors and neigh-sayers are right about me and I don’t deserve what I believe I do. I feel like the ultimate joke today and am completely ashamed of myself.