So I am a huge Ronda Rousey fan. But let me preface in defense like any other fan of anyone or anything, I’m actually realistic. And by saying that I realize that I could also lose all credibility but still, I said it. So there is nothing that can be done there anymore. ANYWAYS:

So what I appreciate about Ronda Rousey:

She is not afraid to be herself, unapologetically so. She cries. She calls people out. She wants so much that she rejects any idea that she possibly could fail.She believes in winning and that she must win. She knows that it can be lonely at the top but will do whatever it takes to be there. She knows that to be a champion of anything, you must be your best on your worst day. She understands that people won’t like her and enjoys both the cheers and boos. She gets energy from the fact that people have any opinion of her because she knows her drive will remain. She has so much passion and lets it be a major part of her life in every aspect.

Ronda Rousey is everything I want to feel as a person.

While she lost her last fight against Holly Holm, I do not think it was her arrogance or her being too cocky of a fighter that got in her way. I think that everyone should have the blessing of being as confident as Ronda Rousey. What I believe caused her to lose was her not owning all of the awesomeness that she is and her strengths. I feel like she fought too much of someone else’s fights.

And that really got me thinking. How much of my fight am I fighting and how much of someone else’s fight am I fighting?

Not surprisingly, Ronda Rousey’s autobiographical book is “My Fight, Your Fight.” Because as simple as it may sound, how many people think about who they are really fighting for or whose fight they are choosing to partake in? I know that has been a humongous struggle of my life.

I realized one important thing last night.

But to backtrack because I already think a million things at once:

Yesterday it was announced that Ronda Rousey and Holly Holm would have an “immediate rematch.” When I found out this news I fell to the ground. No not metaphorically, literally. I was in class and collapsed during the break of our 3 hours of pharmacokinetics and yelled “AH NO!!!!” and my knees fell to the carpet likely stained with coffee and snacks that only pharmacy students shove in their faces class after class. The reason that this hurt me so much was because I feel like I understand Ronda Rousey. And no, I don’t understand what it feels like to be a champion or to be incredibly strong or gorgeous or confident. I understand what it is like to have an all-or-nothing mentality and then get completely knocked down to feeling like the shit beneath shit. My biggest fear and hurt in my heart was that Ronda would not be able to take this kind of fight because she had to then explain to everyone why she was such a failure and how she could possibly come back from something so devastating.

Now in looking at last night, I realized that I love and admire Ronda so much because who she is isn’t who I think. She is a hero to me because she isn’t invincible, she’s not untouchable. She’s flawed. She’s a goddess to me. Now, you are saying, “But Amanda, a goddess? You just said she isn’t perfect!” Correct. I think the Greeks really had something going right when they explained their gods and goddesses. Zeus isn’t the overlord god of Mount Olympus because he is perfect. In fact, he’s so fucked up because he can’t control his own penis! That’s right, he has sex with anyone and anything and yet his power and counsel are still seen as godly. It is not those who are so far above us that they are not human that are the relatable gods we should be looking to. For me, I see the true heroes in gods and goddesses that have human traits. Ronda Rousey is my goddess. So no, I will not be fickle or ever lose hope that she could lose again to Holly Holm or anyone. To me, she has already won my heart and my will. I want so much to find within myself MY fight. I have been fighting for others and letting myself go to shit for so long that I haven’t even been able to dissociate that part from myself. I think that caring for other people makes it so I don’t have to properly care for myself and that is not true. Punching a bag and working out all week hasn’t helped my self esteem or made me think more of myself in confidence. It took my friends to corner me in a room and tell me that I’m treating myself like garbage and to mirror my own attitudes for me to understand how fucked up I treat myself. And if for anyone or anything at all, I should start treating myself better because my friends care about me. Because my friends love me, I too should start loving myself. I want to be the person they see as someone who isn’t just  unafraid of taking a beating, but the person who can get up, fight harder, and know that they are fighting for themself. I will have my confidence re-instilled from whenever I lost it so many years ago. Ronda is my hero and I know I have put my faith in someone most worthy and that I am worthy of being someone to follow her example. She is not my “role model” or “idol.” She is something that I want to capture in vision and passion. I want to hold myself in the esteem that Ronda holds herself. Ronda once said that the people who call her cocky are crazy, because how dare they think that she should think any less of herself. And goddamnit, she is completely right. That hit me so hard. Why should we be worried about being seen as pompous or cocky if we care about ourselves and others and have our hearts in the right place? WE SHOULDN’T FUCKING GIVE ONE SINGLE SOLITARY SHIT! The day some dumbass kid calls me cocky will be the day I will have the biggest grin on my face because that will be the day that I have achieved something truly special in acknowledgement of my abilities and potential. My potential is limitless and I know that I will someday not only relate to the Ronda Rousey who was knocked down and devastated and turned against once she got beaten down, but the Ronda Rousey that has more passion than anyone I’ve ever known and ambition to be the best because someone fucking has to be, why not her!?

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