When I was a freshmen in college, I was fascinated by Dianna Agron, a star of Glee at the time, who had gone her life by a different name to those who knew her best, “Charlie.” She was creating a website with blogs and articles, art and information, and anything creative. She gave others the chance to submit to it as it was not solely to be composed by those working on the website.
I submitted an article of my own, inspired by a lonely polar bear, looking at his/her own reflection. This is the link to the article I wrote that was sent to every member’s email. I remember crying when I saw it in my own.
I’ve always felt connected with polar bears. Maybe because they live in a cold environment and I love the cold. Maybe because they can be both icy and warm. Now, I’m thinking it’s because they are fighting to survive in the world and find their place as I too feel I am fighting to find a place in this world that does not give me a proper chance to succeed based on my God-given or genetics borne, whatever you’d like to refer to my individual traits and thought processes.
I’ve loved them ever since I first saw them at the Rodger William’s Park Zoo in Rhode Island. I could stare at them for hours. Of course I didn’t, because I was with my sister and mother and friends, needing to move on. But as a hyperactive kid, something about them mesmerized me. And i remember baby Triton with his mother Trixie and father Norton. How they interacted. Those memories are as clear to me as anything I am seeing now.
I have a ways to go in publishing what I have written in the past… so many of my thoughts are documented late at night, at a time when I won’t even recall what I had written about when viewing it the morning thereafter.
But thoughts of a polar bear girl seem to really capture me right now. I don’t know who I am or what I am capable of. But I know that I feel icy, in a world that is making my survival a fight rather than normalcy, alone in my thoughts without a true mentor to guide me, and yet, still wanting to be so pure of motive despite being so furious with the world and myself all the time. I am a polar bear girl, ferocious but interesting to observe. And who knows if I will survive as this world moves along. Who knows if any of us will? But today is a day that cannot go wasted of thought, and I plan on spending my most cherished moments doing my utmost to process what the surrounding universe means to me and who I am under this white fur.